Reflecting on Self-Love After Valentine’s Day: How to Teach It to Our Children
Valentine’s Day has come and gone, often seen as a celebration of romantic love, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how we can use this time—long after the roses have faded and the chocolates are gone—to reflect on a kind of love that’s just as important: self-love. It’s a love that forms the foundation for how we interact with the world and, importantly, how we teach our children to interact with it too.
As I look back on the holiday, I can’t help but consider how often we focus on giving love to others, but rarely on loving ourselves. In my experience, teaching our children to value and nurture themselves is one of the most valuable lessons we can impart. So, in the spirit of reflection, here are five ways we can practice and teach self-love to our kids:
1. Modeling Self-Love
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that children are always watching. While we may tell them what they should do or how they should treat themselves, the truth is that our actions speak volumes. We can talk about self-love all we want, but it’s when we actively practice it ourselves that children truly understand its value. Whether it’s taking time for self-care, practicing gratitude, or simply saying “no” to things that don’t serve us, modeling self-love teaches our children that they deserve it, too.
Reflecting on how we set an example can help us hold ourselves accountable—not just for our children’s sake, but for our own well-being. After all, when we prioritize self-love, we’re also teaching them that it’s okay to take care of themselves, too.
2. Daily Affirmations
As I think back on this past month, I remember how challenging it was when my daughter started school. The transition was tough for her, and honestly, it was tough for me too. The first few days were filled with tears—tears from her as she struggled to adjust, and tears from me as I watched her face these overwhelming emotions. But in those moments, we found strength in a simple affirmation: "You can do hard things."
We said it together, every single day, and it became more than just words—it became a mantra that helped both of us through a difficult time. Daily affirmations, like "I am enough" or "I can handle this," can have a powerful impact on our children. They help build confidence and resilience, reminding them that they are capable, no matter what challenges come their way.
Your are amazing and capable.
Our February window mural inspired by Valentine’s day and positive affirmations.
3. Reading Books on Self-Love
Books have always been a great way to spark conversations and teach important life lessons. One of the books that stood out to me in teaching my daughter about self-love was "I Am Enough" by Grace Byers. This book’s message is clear: we are enough just as we are, with all our uniqueness and flaws. Reading such books helps children understand that self-love isn’t selfish, it’s essential. It also gives us as parents a chance to reflect on the messages we’re sending to our children about their worth.
Now, as I look back, I realize how deeply these stories helped my daughter internalize the idea of self-love. These little books are so much more than bedtime stories—they're tools for reinforcing kindness, acceptance and a healthy sense of self-worth.
4. Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends
One lesson I’ve learned—and am still learning—is that our children absorb everything, even the small comments we might make about ourselves or others. As adults, it’s easy to criticize ourselves in front of our kids, whether it’s by saying, “I’m not good enough” or “I look terrible today.” What I’ve come to understand is that we have to be mindful of these words because they shape how our children see themselves and others.
This year, I’ve made a conscious effort to set better boundaries—not just for my own well-being, but also to protect my child from absorbing negative self-talk. We don’t have to police every word, but we can create an environment where self-love and kindness are the standard, not just towards others, but toward ourselves. It’s important to show our children that we have the right to set boundaries and protect our peace, even with those we love.
5. Encouraging Hobbies and Personal Interests
Reflecting on the past year, I’ve realized how crucial it is to encourage our children to pursue their own passions. Whether it’s playing an instrument, drawing, or simply exploring a new interest, letting children know that they are worthy of time and space for their own interests helps foster a sense of self-love. It teaches them that they are valuable for who they are, not just for what they do for others.
Helping children discover what they love and encouraging them to spend time on those activities not only boosts their confidence but reinforces that they deserve to prioritize themselves.
Final Note
As we move beyond Valentine’s Day, I think it’s a good time to reflect on the love we give ourselves and how we can model and teach that love to our children. Valentine’s Day may focus on romantic love, but I believe it’s also a chance to celebrate all kinds of love, especially the love we have for ourselves. By practicing self-love, we can help our children build a strong foundation of confidence, resilience and compassion.
So, as we continue on through the year, let’s remember that self-love isn’t just something we should celebrate one day a year—it’s something we can celebrate every day. And we deserve it.
